if You Want To Get To Valhalla, First You Have To Die

if You Want To Get To Valhalla, First You Have To Die

Mandolinda's picture




Liner Notes: 

Here is the game I was assigned.
A Feast for Odin is a saga in the form of a board game. You are reliving the cultural achievements, mercantile expeditions, and pillages of those tribes we know as Viking today — a term that was used quite differently towards the end of the first millennium.
When the northerners went out for a raid, they used to say they headed out for a viking. Their Scandinavian ancestors, however, were much more than just pirates. They were explorers and founders of states. Leif Eriksson is said to be the first European in America, long before Columbus.
In what is known today as Normandy, the intruders were not called Vikings but Normans. One of them is the famous William the Conqueror who invaded England in 1066. He managed to do what the king of Norway failed to do only a few years prior: conquer the Throne of England. The reason why the people of these times became such strong seafarers is due to their unfortunate agricultural situation. Crop shortfalls caused great distress.
In this game, you will raid and explore new territories. You will also experience their day-to-day activities: collecting goods to achieve a financially secure position in society. In the end, the player whose possessions bear the greatest value will be declared the winner.


If You Want To Get To Valhalla, You Just Have To Die
I am a Viking.. a real live Viking
But I'm wretched and distraught.
After 200 days of raping and pillaging
I decided to step down and boycott

To be successful as a Viking
I need a shipful of warriors
Go and raze every village, Rape and pillage
Sail back and forth to England
Get new troops to die for me
But does it really matter?
Everybody just hates me.

My family back home, keep sending me off
With farewell cheers and positive vibes
I get by very well by theiving and murdering
My Viking career is lucrative.
But in my heart of hearts, I know all they really want
Is the loot and plunder I bring home
They don't care much for the piles of dirty laundry
And all the blood and gore smeared on my clothes.

I'm on good terms with the Norwegians
I can recruit cannon fodder in their prime.
But I need to build up a big war chest
If I am going to Valhalla any time.

And there's the rub I speak about
No way to say this and be discreet.
If you want to get to Valhalla
You are expected to be deceased.

I mean bloodless, inactive
perfectly still and utterly lifeless.

There is a loophole in this scenario
I can convert to Christianity
But I'm not sure of my chances there
I've killed too many with my brutality.

So I guess, it's off on another quest
I'll be a good Viking with a bad reputation
I will slay and impale, cut off heads and eat gore
And secure my Valhalla reservation.
And secure my Valhalla reservation.

Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.


coolparadiso's picture

Almost a parody of vikings. Made me smile. Its well done. Interesting interpretation that normans were vikings, they were only a third viking at best although the famous Rollo (a tv version of rollo) now in that Vikings tv show was one of them for sure. Ive heard that norman style language spoken its very unique ( my brother lived in the channel islands).

Dragondreams's picture

This is the first time I've grinned at a song that has lines about raping and pillaging, beheading, impaling, and eating gore! This is magical. Biggrin

colgoo's picture

Wow! What a rise to the challenge….done with a lot more blood and gore than I expected, but also with a healthy dose of humor!

metalfoot's picture

Oh how clever in lyric and in chord structure both! Nice work.

Fuzzy's picture

...and some of the Vikings went East and were called the Rus and helped to found modern Russia.
This is fabulous!
Lyrics that are both hilarious AND educational!!
What more could you want?!?
Great chord sequence and playing here.
You made me laugh!