You’re a bag of gas and you think you’re gonna rise
With the mind of an ass and your little piggy eyes
But your one and only trick is to stupify with rage
Though your ratings have no ceiling you’re worth nothing off the stage

Gotta find a path gotta make the big time
and the guy who drew the map is away for five to nine
What you wanna gotta finda whoda boughta thoughta you
Pick a fight I’m here all night it’s only right they have to bite because

So now we’ve got the two of us we’re swinging for the fences
How can that be pretentious? we’ve abandoned all pretensions
Issue entertainment never claim that we’re gonna solve them
And if we’re influential, well that’s someone else’s problem

Running out the clock in a contest of disasters
We don’t have to beat the the bear, just to be a little faster
Than the audience at home and that’s hardly any contest
Since they’re hanging on the line wondering what we’re gonna say next

Ain’t no percentage for two bears in the same den
But if you choose the right colleagues you don’t have to choose no friends
It’s all about finding the sucker in the room
And if you can’t spot them, then the sucker there is you

No one wants your story of our crimes or how we’re toxic
It’s not only that it’s boring it’s also a bit obnoxious
So go crying home to mama or go whining to the teacher
What you’re needing is a priest but all you’ll find here is a preacher