The true inner self, and getting to the deeper heart of matters....

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So I just wrote some lyrics, freestyle form, because I am in a weird frame of mind tonight. But this far into the challenge, it's made me realise I'm more in tune with my inner self, like I'm on a journey, and the nuggets are starting to emerge which what could be made into golden jewellery... Like I'm slowly chipping away at the surface and now the deeper inner self is starting to reveal itself. And thanks to this challenge, I'm going through probably what a lot of musicians have done in the past. Confronting the inner demons, the inner child voice.

Regardless of the content I have made early on in the challenge, it feels like I'm really starting to show my true inner feelings through into my songs. They aren't quite there.... They need to be tamed, they need to be shaped, but slowly, I am achieving what I've always wanted to do since I was a teen, and that's write true to my heart.

Sometimes I would wonder why outsider art appealed to me, like there was always something interesting about them... Like Daniel Johnston, how his struggle with mental health made him explore his feelings and thoughts in his music. I'm realising, I'm starting to show that I am, in fact, also a troubled soul, and it's evident in my writing now that this must be who I am. And it's weird how it's taken me so long to realise, that I am part of that crew. I am a troubled soul, another terrorized being who is riding the waves of musicality alone on my own journey, and its actually scaring me how much of myself is now coming through into my music. it needs to be tamed, it needs to be shaped before I can create absolute gold....

Put it this way, it's as if my curiosity has always led me to like the ones who never quite make old age, your Kurt Cobains, your Richey James Edwards, your Jim Morrisons, etc.... and this may be why I admire their creative pursuits. I am an outcast, a foreigner to the normality of life. And this actually really inspires me, how people can tell me the positive things about myself, and how they couldn't do what I'm doing. Because something is driving me, other than to just make for the sake of it, im reaching out into darkness, and someone is handing me a torch to get through to the next cave....

The subjectivity of music has me wondering, that maybe one day, others could be looking to me as a source of inspiration. As a prolific music maker, who is the outsider, and it's as if I'm living that now. Of course, I don't have the fan base or the fame, but that's not what concerns me. I always write, make, and produce music for myself, and by doing this challenge, it's truly making me realise things about myself I didn't see until it was right there, in front of me, that yes, indeed, I AM what I am, and there's beauty in the scars.

So basically, I'm coming to the concluding question of the post. I'm exploring deeper topics now, as if I'm finally getting to my true core, the words I wanna write.

Is anyone else in this challenge, realising something about themselves that without having done the challenge, you wouldnt have done otherwise? More in tune with yourself? More passionate towards subjects you now know are important to you?

I hope I expressed that in a way that is understood...


This is my first 50/90. I had heard about this place for several years now but was initially skeptical about how many good written pieces I would be able to produce in a day or two over a three month frame. This year probably because of the pandemic and spending a lot of time alone as a result I opened myself to the idea of entering the challenge and challenged myself. I don't know if I am any more aware of something about myself then I was before the challenge but my passion has accelerated to want to create or articulate myself to not only me but to others through writing poetry and potential lyrics. I can only speak for myself when I say this but I think what I have connected with is the desire to be challenged. When i challenge myself to do better at something (like writing) and to reach and attempt to connect with other people I have grown and learned something about myself in the process. I feel a lot more motivated to write lately since I have entered the challenge and have written stuff I am happy with and if I can collaborate along the way and connect with others which I have, I think that too is what this is all about.

cts's picture

I have two songs that I am struggling with posting because they address some pretty serious subjects. I try to be as forthcoming as possible and many of my songs have a strong, personal tie to them. However, I'm not one for bearing my entire being in mediums where it could easily be misunderstood or taken out context. This community has been more than kind to me and I love it here. After reading this post I may be encouraged to post. We'll see. Good luck to you nonetheless on your journey.

Oh yeah. My first year was 2012. Of the 63 songs I posted, I got several keepers that I memorized and still play out. I've written a fair number of songs with a great deal of meaning to me in this community that I likely would not have done or had more difficulty doing otherwise. One example. When my grandmother (my dad's mom) passed away in December 2012 I was very upset and tried to channel those feelings into a song for months. Then under the time limitation of a 50/90 skirmish seven months later, and tucked away safely in the middle of dozens of other songs pretty much seen only by this supportive community. I wrote one and later felt good enough about to send it to my dad. This particular challenge, better than any other, affords me the time, and the virtual freedom, to write to a meaningful-to-me theme which I have done multiple times (healthy food, childhood religion, electric cars, sustainability, soundtrack for a book, TV show, or movie that did not have one) since 2012. In my other hobby, painting, I have been referred to as an outsider artist. I feel that certainly applies to my songwriting as well.

this is a point always for me... i am squeamish about revealing my shit. i like to come close to being genuine and real but i like layers between the framing and the reality
i have a song about this ( ) and that comes close to the edges of my comfort zone - which i do try to also do what you are doing but personally i can't very much. i did a bit with the last song on here i posted too. in fact i had a day of complete wobbliness about it and another day to recover from it.- i like to be real and true to my heart but i need to find an angle.

I've definitely found this to be true across my entire FAWM/ 50/90 journey. I think I know what you mean about achieving what you've wanted to do--I'm starting to feel like I'm really coming into my voice as a musician and writing the songs I wanted to write when I was starting out in middle school.

My own struggles with mental health have definitely come out in my songs more lately--I hid them away for years and went through a period of time where I really only wrote silly songs as a way of protecting myself. However, the more I bare my soul through my songs, the more liberated I feel. The feedback I've gotten from this community has been nothing but supportive and uplifting and I believe it's helped me face my demons more openly in my work. Also, I share all my songs with my therapist and sometimes we end up talking about whatever the subject was and that's been helpful to process, as I don't always know what my songs mean when I first write them.

@wobbie wobbit the song is very well done, I like the lyrics and the different name dropping and ofc, Morrissey (I do like some Smiths and Morrissey songs, he's/they're some inspiration to me since Noel Gallagher was fond of them, and I was an Oasis fan back in the day), and the track does make me wonder about the inner self you may be hiding between the framing and the reality, and as a song that stands for that, I believe it works well! I must check out more of your work, because the sound you have in that is awesome Biggrin

@AndyGetch I am interested in seeing more of your artwork! I take it the profile picture you have is an example of one of those? If so, I'd love to be see more! I believe that art isn't appreciated enough around my area, and growing up in a working class town where poverty and poor are often left to their own devices, it interests me when I see the odd pop up artwork gallery or event, which I intend on going to, but I don't show enough respect by going. I certainly do want to go though and you have reminded me to go visit once one opens again nearby! And as for the story about your relative, I'm glad you found the right song to share with your father, as much as family may shun our pursuits sometimes, which I hope yours don't, I feel I have a respect for the arts as a whole and would love to see more of the youth as well as my family indulge in their creative side - oftentimes, the working life and having children pushes out that side, only to emerge a little when seeing the little sprogs have a good time with it! Anyway, I digress... seeing your output on here as varied as it is, it definitely makes me think differently about my own subject matter I explore, and while I tend to do feasts and crap art challenges, its often overlooked my subject matter. And if I spend more time on the songs that will come through more readily, so the subject you feel close with are also things I think about when I sit down to write, but before this challenge I would shun them away. Now I want to try new things, and by taking on board all assets of my personality and interests I'm sure my variation will shine through too!

@cts Yes! I feel too much depth can put off the casual listener, and it can easily be taken the wrong way on some matters. I hope to not cause controversy in my music, however also knowing who you are and what you stand for, the waves may be deflected by standing up for what you believe in, as cliche as that sounds, and by my bearing of the soul, there is nothing to defend other than what is inside. I definitely understand the apprehension, however I am also glad you are considering posting material that you may feel is too 'close' if ya know what I mean, glad to have nudged you a little on that Smile

@Sunfire I agree with this! It's pushed me also to create more, and be challenged! I think pre 2020 I was too shy to even pursue such a challenge, but now I have proven I can do it and can stick the mileage, it has also inspired me in other areas. In fact, I've started Sketchtember as I have been meaning to draw again, and already I have produced a fair bit of material by simply having a similar mindset to this challenge! So it has unlocked passion for me too! Biggrin

Loved reading your comments, people - some views to consider as well as titbits to ponder on over the coming weeks as the challenge closes.

As for me? Well I've got my trophy now, it sits nicely by my handle name Wink I'm eyeing up 100/180, where it seems the group on fb is inactive, which is a shame Sad I want to post there more material, so if you wanna see my content just hop over to there for a little look as I'll concentrating my efforts more there, even while uploading here. Smile

IA's picture

Find the raw stuff. That's what's valuable. Find the truth inside.

Once you have that gold nugget, you can mold, shape, and decorate it into whatever you want.

A week or two (or maybe three?) ago I came to the point where I don't have anything to say. Lyric writing is just rehashing or not coming at all. Then I did a very quick three song set from slack chat challenges. (I asked for a random number that was the bpm, for a chord that was a prominent chord in the song and I asked to pick the type of guitar I would play: strat, tele, 338, LP... should have included 12 string.) I wrote the songs too fast to worry about what I was saying/writing/thinking/doing. The last one actually ended up taking a while (I finished it the next day) and when I finally got around to the lyric I had just hurt myself running. (I did six miles at an 8:30/mile pace and was ROCKING it when I came up lame.) That ended up being the basis for a lyric to the song. And I love that song. It actually SAYS something about ME (even though it's completely tongue-in-cheek.) But instead of freeing me now I'm trying to figure out how to write about ME. Or not. Maybe I'll go back to fast writing as a way of opening the creativity. Either way I'm in the process of learning how to be me.. at least a little more me than usual.