Posted: Wed, 09/07/2011 - 20:35
Liner Notes:
September is crazy insane for me - so naturally, I ignored everything I was supposed to today (sorry Errol, Erik, Devin, Mark, Carlos, Leslie!) to finish this song. Because...darn it, the challenge is almost over and I haven't even posted one solo song!
This started as stream of consciousness late Saturday night. I was sitting on the balcony and practicing other stuff. The balcony is only worth mentioning because I've never had a balcony before. All concrete. Overlooking a highway. Still, a balcony! I stream-of-consciously wrote a song's worth of lyrics and music but things shifted today.
Originally it was going to be called "Sandcastle" and the idea was that the verses would build up a giant castle, the choruses would talk about how it was cracking and needed to be patched, and then the surprise twist at the end would be that the castle was made of sand. I was having trouble weaving hints all the way through the verses though and not sure about the title revealing the twist (because that would defeat the whole purpose).
When I reworked it today, the new title lyric came up and I liked it a lot, so I reluctantly said bye to the sandcastle thing. Most of the first and last verses are the original stream of consciousness lyrics from Saturday and the rest is new today. Also dropped out the lyrics in the chorus section (now it's just the instrumental interlude between the verses) - which works for me because I didn't like the chorus anyway. All good!
One-shot main vocals and guitar with harmonies added afterwards. I want to work on varying the vocal melody more so it isn't completely repetitive. Critical feedback is good because I like this one.
Lyrics:
Will you walk away from me
from all that we’ve built here
our hands intertwined, your fingers in mine?
Will you walk away from me?
I know we’re not as warm as we used to be
Huddled ‘neath blankets we’ve woven of diamonds and dreams
Brick by brick
we have shaped and placed down
growing outward and higher and forward and wider
Piece by piece
we have placed with perfection
careful construction, a castle of diamond and dreams
From the tallest tower
we stand and we watch
all the people below, it’s shaking, I know
But the view is so beautiful
from way up here
a glittering skyline that shifts, made of diamonds and dreams
My body is aching from trying so hard
to keep this together
To weather this whether we’re
ready or not I am
not letting go of you
it’s such long way to fall when you only know diamonds and dreams
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Debs, this is gorgeous! Very dreamy. Also, I love your harmonies.
I think if you want to change your vocals up, picking some key words to make lower or higher could help, even if those notes are just in a harmony line. I didn't have too much of an issue with them as they were, though. This is a really nice piece.
I love how the lyric goes from placed with perfection and a beautiful view to a trying to hold it together and the risk of the final fall. The very last line being repeated and the harmonies there is a very very nice touch. At first I was wanting a chorus or actually a bridge, something different, but the changing harmonies on the refrain line works very very well. I think I like it exactly as it is.
I agree this was the best way to spend part of your day! I volunteer to play...whatever you wish...on the 1st. Just let me know, sounds like your guitar & vocal works well together.
And good call on dropping the "castle" approach...just reading your original title immediately gave it away for me, so the twist wouldn't have registered.
At this tempo, as a "listening" piece, the non-repeating words that lead to "diamonds and dreams" are great.
As a listener, I just have to resign myself to not knowing if/when I can sing along.
But if you wanted folks to sing along (either live, or while driving, puttering in the garden, etc), I think some sort of learnable chorus to hang the audience on would make it more accessible. I wanted to sing something on my second listen, but I never knew what. If you could distill the song into 2-4 lines of repeating summary, I would still be singing that part weeks from now.
Just my $0.02
It's somewhat difficult to be laser-point critical when I'm being lulled by the totality of your song, Debs. There's something in the way this song come across that reveals so much more than the revelation of conscious thought. There's a great deal of vulnerability in the way you sing it and the guitar and the words verify this.
It is indeed a wonderful solo effort. The sentiment brings to mind Sting's Fortress Around Your Heart.
nice guitar work on this tune. I like the theme and congrats on the balcony... those are real nice:)
My favourite lyrical part:
To weather this whether we’re
ready or not I am
not letting go of you
I love how smoothly you ornament your vocals, Debs. So silky. And great harmony choices, particularly at the end. I hear what you're saying about varying the melody across the verses. I'm sure after listening to it a few more times, you'll be able to hear where you want to go with it, melodically. Sometimes you just need a little time and space between you and your work, you know?
Afternoon well spent. I heartily support your blowing off of other responsibilities today.
So happy to be here to share your wonderful talent. I agree about the harmonies.
Oh lord this is beautiful. It's all wonderful but the "out of diamonds and dreams" harmonies are truly gorgeous.
Another beautiful tune. Thanks 4 sharing!
Another beautiful tune. Thanks 4 sharing!