Inner Censor Shutdown

Inner Censor Shutdown

wobbie wobbit's picture
Feast

Tags: 

Demo: 

Liner Notes: 

@headfirstonly posted a challenge to write a nonet song, where the structure is 9 lines - 9 syllables, 8 syllables, 7....2, 1 syllable.
written and recorded quickly.

Lyrics: 

maybe i should find the words to say
the secret that i hide away
maybe i should let it out
rant and rave gush and spout

it's fine where it is
just leave it there

that's that then
i knocked
locked



Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.

Comments

ayeahmur's picture

What an excellent take on the nonet challenge. In only nine lines you still manage to tell us a whole story, and I love the last two lines to bits.

metalfoot's picture

Really splendid use of the form and great tune befitting the words.

Roddy's picture

That's a great song and a great story. Well done for working within the syllable constraints.

fresh spotless youth's picture

Wow, this packs a real emotional punch for me, this tiny song of desire and abnegation. I saw the nonet challenge and had a hard time imagining what such a thing would look like. Now I know

Gwyn Jones's picture

As you may know Wobbie...I had a few songs on an album called 100 X 30 which was released by Nub Music in protest to Spotify only paying their ludicrously low rates out for the first 30 secs of any song...well this song would have been perfect for that project...in fact any project...concise and well conceived!

headfirstonly's picture

There is so much in this! Despite only having 45 syllables to play with, you make a whole three act story unfold. I really wasn't sure that people would be able to do write anything particularly complex within such a tight constraint, but now I know they really can. Nice one!

Fuzzy's picture

This seems like a remarkably difficult challenge, but you've produced a stellar track within the restrictions.
Excellent storytelling here.
Nice work!

nancyrost's picture

This works really well! It's cool how you increase in certainty as you decrease in syllables. Good story and flow.

Stephen Wordsmith's picture

This song shows off well the strength of the format - we begin with meandering and musing, but quickly drill down to the crux of the thing - sod it, what else is there to say? The vocals and lackadaisical delivery echo the resignation there. Enjoyable.

billwhite51's picture

you are always one step ahead of me, so each step i take us a surpruse.

mike skliar's picture

this really flows well! what an effective song on so many levels! great work!

atitlan's picture

I like that. I particularly enjoyed the way you broke the 9 lines into sections to give it a song-like structure rather than feeling like a poem with a highly restrictive form.

Marilisa's picture

That's a lot of meaning packed into 45 syllables! Nice work!

cleanshoes's picture

Love how you've structured this! Concise and meaningful, with a great melody. So impressed with what is coming out of this challenge!

cola's picture

Oh, this is lovely! So much meaning conveyed in so few words. An excellent nonet, great work!

splittybooms's picture

I could've used this a couple times this week at work.
I like the vocal melody here; your voice sounds really good on top of that bright guitar, too. Also dig the way its just like a quick inner conversation and then its done.

Tim Fatchen's picture

So very clever. And the inimitable Wobbie touch, hopeful and not wholly defeatable when the inevitable happens. "Knocked/Locked. " Priceless!

katpiercemusic's picture

I love that you wrote a nonet and turned it into a song. The ending especially... I really liked those last couple of lines!