Drowning on dry land

Drowning on dry land

Tim Fatchen's picture
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Demo: 

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Liner Notes: 

Mari comes up with some amazing lyric flowerpots, and this is one. So I populate it with strange flowers and greenery.

Lots more to do on this, it''l be amazing in its final version!

This strange and difficult work I've cleaned up a bit but am unlikely to clean it up further before 5090 ends, so I'm posting it now. The production on the original wasn't good, but i couldn't split the voice out of this particular recording; I need to transcribe. So lots of distortion and words lost in the mix.

So I've tried another mix, vocals slightly different (not an easy thing to sing to when you haven't transcribed the melody nor scored anything out and trying to read the amplitude curve of a stereo mix in the DAW while clutching the lyrics, thumping the mixer and trying not to breathe into the microphone). In the process, I've lsot some and gained some. My Privia with its swirly synth strings is refusing to take proper instruction from the DAW, so I've had to use other stops and patches. Work in progress still!

Lyrics: 

DROWNING ON DRY LAND
Lyrics Copyright © 2020 Mari Koslowski Music Copyright © 2020 TJ Fatchen All Rights Reserved APRA-AMCOS
fish-tales, piscean rant, folk-alt with a beat
isrc:AUNEY2000050

feel I grew up on a different planet
where the sun was somehow closer
waves of light like lilies spreading
like I grew up underwater
-------------------
way down in the dim, the trees could swim
the mountains moved in passing breeze
pastures ate their flocks and giants watched
from a house below dark weeds
--------------------
once my grand-eel told me
there's a land above
with fish that float their own seas
that you cannot touch, cannot touch or drink
-------------------
where the sun was somehow closer
waves of light like lilies spreading
it's a different kind of ocean
than you've ever seen, grand-ling
----------------
I come up to see
singing songs of wonder
the notes slid off my tongue
in the world of thunder
-------------

seeing smoke, hearing pounding
after silent water
in the air it's stifling
my lungs hurt for water
---------------
in the clashing crying
I see giants fighting
I see pastures dying
in the air I'm drowning
-------------------
(get me back please help me
no one hears my whisper)
get me back please help me
no one hears my whisper
take me to cool water
in the air I'm drowning
take me to cool water
in the air I'm drowning
take me to cool water
in the air I'm drowning

I can't breathe
I can't breathe
I can't breathe
I can't breathe

I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe

I can't breathe
I can't breathe

I can't
----------------
feel I grew up on a different planet
where the sun was somehow closer
waves of light like lilies spreading
like I grew up breathing underwater
like I grew up breathing underwater

I can't I can't I can't

I can't



Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.

Comments

billwhite51's picture

im glad you posted thus now so we can hear it, but i understand that it needs more work to bring it out in its full glory. the lyric takes the prize for best of this 50 90 season. the one thing the prodcution needs, as im sure yoou known. is separation of the vocal track as it tends to get muddied in the second half of the sog.

Roddy's picture

This is beautiful and so very poignant. I agree with [@billwhite] regarding the excellent lyrics. The piano is very good indeed. I'm sure when you get the snags ironed out this will be as you say 'amazing'. It would make I think, the soundtrack to a beautiful film.

ustaknow's picture

You do a great job.

Hahhh, what you describe, is the only way I work Smile to funny. If have to sync a gang vocal, can be tough for sure unless very predictable beat, and etc. what you said. Anyway, great job.

Heid's picture

Excited to see this one if it continues to unfold! The rich strings and piano fit the lyrics beautifully, it's all very blue-green, underwater sounding. As the piano gets heavier and the strings rise up, it has a really powerful effect. Haunting.

tcelliott's picture

I like the strings and synths along with the piano. It has a lush feeling to it. I like the lyric very much. I love the line "where the sun was somehow closer" which seems to capture more than a single line should.

Jerry Pettit's picture

Jeez, what are you using for sounds there? The string pad is gorgeous--and I always love a piano tinkling in the background.

Great job! Really, really nice lyrics too!

wobbie wobbit's picture

top collab. so pull you in (down?) in both the lyrics and the music. and a lovely expressive delivery to boot. the i cant breathe rhythm is so effective. really haunting and engaging. what an enjoyable listen! beautiful

ustaknow's picture

Okay, listened again from the forums, Oi! Smile -- good stuff.

Purple Catfish Bro's picture

thinking it would fit this piece, i would put (more) reverb on the vocals. anyway, excellent job!