The Boiling Anxiety Of The Life Defining Past

The Boiling Anxiety Of The Life Defining Past

nerdjealous's picture


Liner Notes: 

i find descriptions take more energy out of me than the lyrics themselves


Yeah it gets dark in here
all alone
in my shell
I see they still make these things
where the soil is turned to dust
and greasy spoons with mixture mess
and meat not meant to spread with the finest

spells are captivating
until you realise
theyre just keeping you there
always on their lead
and never in your favour

scares me to think im replaceable
scares me to think you can see this
scares me to think theres life
and then theres the hell i walked through

yeah got a card for christmas
and found it wasnt in spirit
i know what i saw
dont tell me i dont
now youre a curse on another person life

well now im never gonna heal again
who even would want a life like mine
when you the cause of all my hell
are bringing others down as well

damage irrepairable
even in the now
im terrorizing relationships
that have barely even began

sometimes i sit on the patio
and watch the satelites move in the sky
they remind me of you
and your evil ways
when i trusted you, you were gone

no words can pierce that armour
but hurtful feelings cut like a can opener
to dare to even tread the feat
when the awkwardness shines through
i see in me what others go through now
and you warned me of this pursuit
well i dont know if you want me dead
but you certainly killed my soul

now i probably will die alone
just like you said
now i probably have autism
just like you said
now i probably will meet my end
just like you said
but god knows what i stand for
and theres nothing i can do to defend

you slashed with your scissors
and wrote hurtful words of my trust
who gives two damns about this any more
but i feel the boiling blood turn to sand

theres things i cannot understand
for covid is as rare
but to go through the amount of trauma that i have
its suprises me i aint killed off by now

one day ill find you
swimming in your cesspool
and i look on and laugh
as you clip your claws
and i see you dipping in your pool
i laugh
i laugh
oh i laugh
at how little you have grown
at how much you have hurt me
at how much i have to groan
my metal is giving in
my bridge is way too far
now im open for traffic
but you made me drive a car

no one
no one
not one thing
i have lost it all
you thawned my paw
head messed up and raw
then i saw how you are
well you reap what you soe
and i know what i saw
good luck in your meddling
the fuck
you are

Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.


dzd's picture

ah, this is good, would be nice even as spoken word over some of that pretty and rambling piano improv Wink ......I was told once that every worthwhile piece of art is created with one person in mind.......I feel this definitely fits that bill.

kahlo2013's picture

Wow this is so raw and powerful. Such am emotional and honest feel that pulls me right in. The vivid images convey palpable sensations and evoke empathy. You captured the pain and hurt that I suspect many of us have felt.

Dragondreams's picture

Ouch! This one has a real punch. And it resonated hard.
I'm in agreement with @dzd here about this being a powerful spoken word piece over some suitable bed track.

Calum Carlyle's picture

wow. Difficult to read. Difficult to imagine this as a sung song, actually, but i don't know, this should find a wider audience. It's kind of scary in a way, for how real it sounds. Don't know if that's just me.

I think it probably reflects a certain zeitgeist just now.