Spinning Us

Spinning Us

Drive By Love Fest's picture

Demo: 

Liner Notes: 

oh dear musos...halp, i'm drowning in a sea of perfectionism...and I think i'm enjoying it! will you forgive me if I do the challenge and it's only one a week or am i completely despicable!? I'm really liking where this song is head despite it's long-winded lyrical content. What do you think of the chorus? It feels weak to me...and the ending...not sure about it either. hmmmmmm should I continue to forge forward with this one?

Lyrics: 

Spinning Us

I would get high
Get on my bike
Ride for over an hour

Through the suburbs
Through the trees
Across the cities landscapes

There in the parking lot
I’d see them stamp
Out their last cigarettes

Ascend the stairs
Never in pairs
Climbing away from the source

What is this life?
Why are we here?
Is this a wheel
Spinning us?

Banging away at the Xerox machine
Watching my life feel suspended
I stretch to the bin
To throw something in
And I spotted your scribbled handwriting

The beauty exposed me
And I held my breath
Sinking right into your stories

That’s when my heart felt so
Heavy in my chest
I thought that this job might destroy me

What is this life?
Why are we here?
Is this a wheel
Spinning us?

And on the last day
I worked my shift
I ran into you in the lunch room

I stared in your eyes
And started to cry
I know what your dreams have been up to

So go get your gear
Cuz i’m leaving here
And I don’t wanna go without you

I’ve caught the wisdom
To know when to split
And I don’t want these fuckers
To steal you

outro
How can this be
Lost in a sea
Of Keyboards and cubicles
Staring at me



Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.

Comments

Kurtis Kanttila's picture

This was a pretty good track! The lyrics stood out and I really liked the verse melody, great vocals also.

metalfoot's picture

The advantage of drowning in a sea of perfectionism is that you end up with demos, like this one, which end up sounding basically album-ready.

I don't know that I'd call the chorus weak, myself; it does its job but maybe it doesn't call as much attention to itself as one might expect a chorus to, if that makes sense? It being in a lower tone of voice and all just means it sounds low... but that fits with the feeling of the song too.

(The nosy part of me wants to know if this is a true story but the artist in me says, "who cares?")

standup's picture

There's a piece of the verse melody that rises up and is really pretty.

I hear you, the chorus may not be there yet. I would say take that "lift" bit in the verse and make sure the chorus somehow even moreso, a further lift.

I really like the bit in the outro -- keyboards and cubicles staring at me. That's powerful. Could that be the chorus? I think in the chorus the lines What is this life/why are we here are a bit heavy handed. Yeah, that's what this song is about, but maybe it could be said indirectly? I like the wheel image better.

I like the story, falling for a co-worker and running away from the job together before it destroys all dreams.

And, of course, go at your pace, whatever it is. I have never seriously considered writing 50 songs in 50/90. For me it means "Try to write some stuff this summer".