Adnama17's picture
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Liner Notes: 

Been taking an online poetry class. This is my homework for the personification lesson.

Many thanks to @Stephen Wordsmith, @metalfoot and @AndyGetch for the help and feedback!



The summer sun is such a whore
Always tempting me with a good time
Drawing me away from the base and tepid
Into her tropical and steamy arms

She helps me shed my jaded, prickly husk
So she can warm me from the inside out
One touch from her and I am vibrantly awake

So what if I get burned?
Skin peeling from my ripe flesh like an orange
She is a tiny bandage on a shotgun blast to my gut
Trying to damn my geyser with a pebble
But I can’t live without her

Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.


-'s picture

I love the imagery that this seems totally about the sun and the heat of the summer. It really is a super love / hate relationship. Like the sun is so pretty and creates the best days, but it brings with it insane heat and environmental misery. Cool poem! Kinda tropic, but kind of punk'ish Biggrin TROPICAL PUNK!

Fuzzy's picture

Wow, this is so good!
Excellent imagery here!!

A.Eye's picture

Man, that summer sun. It gets my pale ass every time! But I still love it.

billwhite51's picture

i like the devolution of language here. in particular the movement from the high tone literacy of the second verse to the gutteral language of the third.

IA's picture

Nothing on Earth can surely live without the sun.

and if the skin peels off... you can still wear it, right? Biggrin

No but tell us how you really feel!

Oh brother... no I really like this. It's very vivid and you get the emotion out, which I always have trouble with. Admirable!

barbara's picture

“She is a tiny bandage on a shotgun blast to my gut”
That line is amazing. It deepens the poem instantly and profoundly. A drop of comfort is still comfort, but the wound isn’t healed. Powerful.

TomS's picture

This is frankly obscene and I have reported you for violation of the Hays Code. All of this sensuousness and embodied imagery and concupiscence -- you heard me, I said concupiscence! -- is frankly an affront to decent minded people across some gated community somewhere in the world.

Seriously, Amanda, this is some of the best stuff you've ever written.