While I Cried

While I Cried

DeannaSweidel's picture

Tags: 

Liner Notes: 

Just popped into my head. Maybe needs a little clean up

Lyrics: 

While I Cried
(c) 2020 Deanna Sweidel

You emptied my soul
Crushed my heart
And then just for fun
You tore me apart

You moved right on
Like you never cared
Never a thought
How I would have fared

It was all about you
And I tried, oh I tried
You got off so easy
While I cried, oh I cried

You took my sparkle
Dulled my shine
Tied me right up
In your lies made of twine

You walked away
Never looked back
While my whole world
Faded into the black

You filled my head
With lie after lie
And just walked away
While I cried, oh I cried

You emptied my soul
Crushed my heart
Then just for fun
You tore me apart

It was all about you
And I tried, oh I tried
You got off so easy
While I cried, oh I cried



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Comments

wacha's picture

Wow, these are heartnreakingly beautiful. Very nice job!

Gwyn Jones's picture

Powerful and passionate words Deanna...sizzling with recrimination and anger...well done!

johnstaples's picture

Dang Deanna, these are some seriously powerful and comprehensive "I been done wrong" lyrics!!! Love the chorus especially the rhyming in "And I tried, oh I tried" and "While I cried, oh I cried"! Nicely done!

Tim Fatchen's picture

Okay! Can I have this one to play with?? (won't be instant though)

ChariotBaldwin's picture

Ow - I feel like apologising to you, even though I didn't break your heart!! Son of a Biscuit this lyric is very good!!!

Very Janis Joplin, Edith Pilaf, Amy Winehouse pain level 10 !!

You are right that it might need some tidying up, in terms of needing a melody twist somewhere -
I'd probably would take out the verse 1 that was repeated near the end of the song so you have two choruses at the end
and to wrap it up maybe "Oh I cried "repeated to fade or 2-3 times slower each time with light fading out?

colgoo's picture

Wow!!!! So emotionally raw. Great rhythm and storytelling going on here.