go in peace
had a rough day yesterday. got woken up by my mother walking the barking dogs through the hall... again. in the four years since i moved back home to live with them as they become less and less able to care for themselves, i have harped on one thing to her-- my need for sleep during the daytime, as i work at night. the dogs are the main issue, but much too far into the spring/summer, she also turns the heat up for their baths and fails to turn it down, resulting in me waking up soaked in sweat and parched from dehydration-- it literally takes me the rest of the day to drink enough to recover. and i work in a hot kitchen, in alabama.
but the dogs have been a constant irritant. they have trained my mother to give them treats, not the other way around. every night between 130 and 230, roughly, the one dog barks until he is walked into the kitchen and given a treat. my favorite class in college was the science of learning and behavior, so i have given her suggestion after suggestion about how to change their behavior, to no avail. we finally fenced off the back yard so she can let them out on their own, and i told her that it would take months of training, but that she needs to change her response to the stimulus of them barking (remember, THEY are effectively doing the training).instead of giving them a treat when they bark while she is on the phone, knowing she needs quiet, put them outside. i told her she would have to be consistent, for months, to undo the years of associations she has built up. but she COULD, in theory, change their expectations to where their barking now lands them outside with no treat )a neutral event), instead of the constant reward they now get (positive reinforcement).and, it has the added benefit of trainig them to bark when they need to go outside. my schedule is reversed from theirs, so the training cannot happen at my hands.
it is in this context that a friend of mine, who now lives in thailand, or maybe it is cambodia now, hit me up on text to randomly ask how i was doing. i told him why i was even awake to field his question, and ended with the phrase, "so go in peace, as i go to pieces."
so in the spirit of mad TV-- "wrote a song about it-- wanna hear it? here's how it goes":
wrote most of it in one pass yesterday, but finished a couple of lines today
(c) 07.04.2020 time and ink
and he asked me brother, how've you been?
are you making do, have you embraced your sin?
has it been four years? has life been kind?
have you found your song? eased your worried mind?
and i had to answer, i've not been well
my care for willful ignorance landed me in hell
see i have no peace, as i watch them rot
i can't pause for the moment or tell you what i've got
and i'm ridin this spiral of unquiet love
and i'd topple down, given half a shove
and i worry i'll slip, and fall into the cracks
and lose this tiny space that i have clawed back.
he paused as it hit him-- he was so far away
nothing he could do, nothing he could say
so he wished for me solace, in his form of jesus
n i said:
"now go in peace, as i go to pieces."
you go in peace, as i go to pieces
i'm the subject in a grand master thesis
on pain and regret, illicit releases
so you go in peace, as i go to pieces.
never know how your caring can change another man
so let them know you care as often as you can
yes send them thoughts and wishes on your tropical breezes
yet you must still go in peace as they go to pieces.
Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.