Impossible Choice

Impossible Choice

OdilonGreen's picture



Liner Notes: 

Admit it. You've been through this.

(Although of course, we all know that women's restrooms are sanctuaries of sunlight and flowers. It's only men's bathrooms that are like this.)

This is still very much a demo. I need to work on the piano a bit, and more importantly, as with my last song, this is the 'demo guide vocals' version I sent to my bandmate / vocalist, so these are not the final vocals. I'll post his version when it comes in.


Impossible Choice
(c) 2019 Odilon Green


It's a sunny, beautiful, spectacular day
Here in Big City, USA
Just walking down the street, and hey!
I'm feelin' good as can be

But all the sudden I get a hunch
The chili cheese dog I had for lunch
Is now ready to try and punch
It's way right out of me

It's not a problem, I just need to find
A friendly men's room that is not behind
The omnipresent 'customers only' sign
Each one a punch in my gut

I break out in a mild sweat
I haven't found a public bathroom yet
I thought for sure that by now I'd be set
And not just clenching my butt


Let me in
I'm begging, let me in
I've got my dignity, I've got my pride
But I don't think that I can keep it inside
Dear god, let me in


Then at last I lay my eyes
On the local Burger Stuffer franchise
Home of double-batter spicy fries
Their toilet open to all

Hunching over I stumble in
Enter the bathroom ready to begin
The smell is awful but this counts as a win
Until I enter the stall

It's the grossest thing I've ever seen
Stuff on the toilet seat that's quite obscene
I think the bowl has never truly been clean
My sphincter tightens in fear

The toilet paper is sitting in goo
The lock on the door is broken too
A roach scuttles up onto my shoe
I think the end times are here


Let me out
I'm begging, let me out
I've got my dignity, I've got my pride
And I don't think that I can stay here inside
Dear god, let me out


I'm feeling nauseous (so nauseous)
I'm feeling nauseous (so nauseous)
I'm feeling nauseous (so nauseous)
If I stay I'm gonna heave


My colon rumbles (it rumbles)
My colon rumbles (it rumbles)
My colon rumbles (it rumbles)
I don't have time to leave


What do I do?
I don't know what to do
I've got my dignity, I've got my pride
I cannot leave, but I can't stay here inside
Dear god what do I do?

Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.


billwhite51's picture

truly an epic poop adventure. i was with you all the way. the ending is frighteningly existential.

cindyrella's picture

I think most of us have been there! I think my colon tightened through the whole thing! Smile

levesinet's picture

I was more stupid because my critical decision was to reach the hotel room but it was a very long walk. The colon had been rumbling for several kilometres and unfortunately the door didn't open with the keycard on the first attempt. That was a critical moment. However, there were no witnesses and I did my damnedest to make the evidence go away.

lowhum's picture

I think if you get rid of the drums and add a toothsaw or a theremin it could make the next Tim Burton musical... or not.

Chip Withrow's picture

Had a similar experience in an airport recently - Atlanta, maybe?
Of course the lyrics crack me up, but beyond that the music is absolutely top-notch. Fun, dramatic - the whole song is quite cinematic ... although I think the visuals of the bathroom would be best left to the imagination in a music video for this one.

colgoo's picture

Women’s restrooms are not always sanctuaries of sunlight and flowers, either. Add to that, at least 50% of the time, we’re the ones cleaning up the shit, vomit, blood and stale urine! And the wait in line during this critical decision is very, very relatable.

I love the echos and the way you captured the resonance of a public restroom without making us hear the tinkling, heaving and farting noises...Leaving that to the lyrics and imagination was a good call!

matthijs's picture

It was a fun read and listen! This luckily hasn't happend to me yet

Technicolor Gramophone's picture

It takes a special kind of talent to write poop songs! This is catchy and weird and yet universal. The desperation of "Dear God, let me in" is fabulous. Love the backing vocals, which take absurdity to new heights. I think I have to leave you now ...

wobbie wobbit's picture

hope you resolved your dilemma! great commitment to your subject - very relatable but utterly gross at the same time. i like the about turn of the choruses

Frances Smith's picture

Addressing important social issues here I see! The song has a charm to it, as it describes a problem which many people do experience. Thinking about it I suppose it's quite remarkable that so few never mind. Works beautifully, and story perfectly told.

Jibbidy34's picture

Ewwwww and ohhhhhh!!!s all in the same song. You speak for all mankind sir - haha. Masterfully crafted lyrics!!

Peter Arvidson's picture

I mean, who can't relate to this? It is both metaphorical and physical all at once. It is truth and it is real. "Let me out
I'm begging, let me out
I've got my dignity, I've got my pride
And I don't think that I can stay here inside
Dear god, let me out"

Cheers to poop!

Well, you're in luck "today", just grab "any" political poster, or better yet carry one, and you could krapped middle of the highway, -- so long as it's on it; free speech baby, it's a wonderful thing, aye! You'll make the 6'O'clock news and could sing your song too!! Smile (Hint - know where you are, so maybe carry a few different posters with you... pride is one thing, but skid marks are another Wink )

Anyway, good, interesting song, -- timing, in the set list would be everything, too! Smile

spirulence's picture

Carried out effectively and brilliantly. I think I usually take the hit to my pride. A unique take on a seemingly-universal problem.