What Can We Make This Place

武道会's picture

What Can We Make This Place

Tags: 

Demo: 

Liner Notes: 

SC URL
https://soundcloud.com/ustaknow/what-can-we-make-this-place-50902017/s-xeqj8

Well, this one came outta no-wear Smile ... kinda the D Em Am G thing... oddly? enough...

For me, there's no real "hook" and I just can't find one. Even didn't feel the 1st Verse (Chorus?) was more than repeatable. Actually, I "hear" a much more musical, orchestrated production (as always). Nonetheless, DerUgo with this.

I was thinking I'd keep this 12 Str Acoustic... I have such a hard time with them since for me, they all seem to have overtones that I hear and it bothers me and their Volume tends to change dramatically. This one is actually not "that" loud... I used a dB Meter to check against my same make/model 6-String... I try to play in front of a Hard Surface so as to not get "soaked" into the room (and you hear my window open, crickets, trains, etc... on occassion but like that ambience that comes into the mic).

-- I dunno ... what do you-all think, if anything? Anything at all?

(I know, since literally just finished it now, had other vocal "practices", iterations that got more modulation... but, I am never sure how that comes across, and if serves the song, or even matters with this style of me, in rough tracking...)

-- It's a weird little song... but don't want to krappe pile it either.

Lyrics: 

/D Em Am /G Em D
Can we make this place ... kinder ...

F Am
Can we make this space (place)...
Em G Em D (end on G-chord)
... just a little bit brighter

G g Em g
We all wail
G Em
We all grieve
F a Am s
We all need
F a Em g e
And our hearts do ... bleed

G Em
The painters pale
G Em
The potters s feel
F Am
The makers mark
F Em
And our souls go dark

G Em
Liv'in in life
G Em
Liv'in in strife
F Am
Liv'in as so - ber
F Em
Liv'in fast ... lo - ner...

G Em
The view at night
G Em
Your face incite
F Am
Your place oh,
F Em
What a fright

G Em
My youth is galling
G Em
My truth is calling
F Am
Gimmy re-fun-ed
F Em
It all sure, was fun



Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.

Comments

kc5's picture

You've got some really stable lines and rhymes here in the verses and seemingly stable in your repeated lines, "Can we make this place a little kinder......brighter". I wondered if maybe those verses shouldn't be a bit unstable as the content seems to
be slightly unstable in emotion. To make the repeated lines stable sort of gives the sense, not of a question, so much as a "let's do this thing". so I think works if that's your intent. I love the sound of your strings. Nice sounding guitar there, nice playing. It's really clear and I love some of the deeper guitar tones. The modulation on "kinder" to me doesn't feel right. However, I love the vocal modulation on "brighter"--that whole line in fact, sounds great to me.

Vocally or the guitar chord change? The first and then second pass on it are the same... though as was fiddling with it tonight, got "smoother" since is an odd meter beat.

Yes, it's more of a statement. However, the odd meter chord change Em, Am from D is somewhat unstable. And the G is back heavy in the first half and on beat in the last line.

I have to get used to hearing it myself since just got it this far.

Actually, this evening it felt correct to repeat the "chorus" after the 3rd Verse (4th in total); so then, two more verses are played, and then the original repeat. So I'll play it that way for a while. 3 the 2 verses prior to chorus repeat.

The verse strum is very basic. But the Chorus Em to Am is on the Up-stroke and quick but is on, or within the beat correctly. I didn't "count" it out, meaning, e.g. 1 e & ah so just using 16th notes for example here, so then would up stroke on the &, ah within the second quarter note timing. Again, just so to speak--I have not "counted" the beats out and use the Lyric for timing coordination.

kc5's picture

Actually, I think it was the vocal modulation up on "place" that didn't sound right to me. I had to listen again. That's the only place. All the rest works. It may be the prosody of it that caught me off. It's just not seeming to be the natural place, word, to modulate up on. With your voice, I bet you could pull this off giving lots of emotion. "Can we make" (as you did it) briefest pause, softer, sort of under your breath on "this place" briefest pause, "a little bit brighter" sing/speaking that last part or doing that last part as you have here.

Yes, you are correct, that is a practice spot and is odd, so to speak. The emphasis is on the back side of the word, --yes. I tried it "normal" (?) ... but then sounded "plain", normal and predictable. There IS a fine line with innovative and new, new sound... it does have to be appealing if even unexpected.

I think this is why mainstream artist do NOT introduce "new" stuff much on tour, or only one or two back side of the show... the audience has to "work" to hear something new and then decide if likes it... and can take a few listens to catch on, sound good, interesting... if all sounds predictable then we get that "in a box" affect.

Anyway, great comment, yes indeed. ... I think since is getting "attention" is worthy to keep playing and see how it evolves... the new Modulations I was hoping folks would react to and seem to have done so.

What I like "here" is folks really only comment if the "like" it, regardless if a "critical" comment, so to speak. I think many, like me... just won't comment if just don't like it regardless of what they say in the forums Smile LOL.

Folks should keep in mind, if one offers critical feedback, it is BECAUSE they liked it... reacted to it. Well, how it seems to me.

Songs that don't get much or any reaction, unless "I" really enjoy it (e.g. Christian, etc.)... they go in the krappe pile. BUT, all of these prior ones, as stated really old work notes, --were in the krappe pile!!

-- I was playing through my song book last, this week and am pretty happy with it. I remember when I played out more... and just played my stuff, folks were like -"hey, where's that from?" ... they liked it but never heard it Smile

Now, I really only play my own stuff unless an old old hymn ... no pop, no pop-christian... I never learned Music to play OTHER people stuff -- mine only. (Since I was like 6yo... always always thought this way... why learn and play their music?... never made sense, esp as a child. Still a child Smile )

AndyGetch's picture

Good song start! I really like the way this song used modes and modulation. I might have to try that.

Hey, thank you Andy! For me, that's great, helpful feedback. I was wondering the reaction since a bit different, if even just a little bit.