Wenn ich dich seh (When I see you)

Jessica Szturmann's picture

Wenn ich dich seh (When I see you)



Liner Notes: 

This might have a bit of jazz-y sound. Looking forward to feedback!


verse 1
Wie lang geht das jetzt schon (For how long has this been going on now)
Dass ich dich in dem Herzen trag (That I carry you in my heart)
Wie ein Schiffbrüchiger auf hoher See (Like a person lost at sea)
Fühl ich die Panik jeden Tag (I feel panic everyday)


Und wenn ich dich sehe (And when I see you)
Geht es mir wie Odysseus bei den Sirenen ( I feel like Odysseus felt about the Sirenes)
Ich kann dir einfach nicht wiederstehen ( I can’t resist you)

Verse 2
Wie lang geht das jetzt schon (For how long has this been going on now)
Dass du mich scheinbar nicht mehr magst (That it you apparently don’t like me anymore)
Ich wart am Telefon ( I am waiting at the phone)
Weiss einfach nicht woran es lag ( I don’t know where it went wrong)

Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.


Ferry Colyer's picture

You got something really nice going on. 'Geht es mir wie Odysseus bei den Sirenen', that line is great in its meaning and cadence. I would go for a fourth (third) line in the chorus (and end with Ich kan dir einfac nicht wiederstehen), however obvious maybe. But having three lines may add to the awkward 'something's not quite right) feeling of the protagonist too.

Jerry Pettit's picture

I've been holding back on my "breakup songs". I did so many in February--had a bad Valentine's Day. Sad This is inspiring, though. I'll have to churn some out. Lovely, lovely voice. Lovely sentiments in the lyrics. (Don't know German--sorry!) Ich liebe dich! Wink

edsmaron's picture

You're really good, it's cool to hear a FAWM song that's in a language other than English. I took a couple of years of German in high school, but have no idea how to write a German song, so we're glad you're here.

AndyGetch's picture

oh sounding great Jessica and I like the siren reference. It is so cool to hear you sing a Deutsch song Smile I am wondering about adding a little violin in the background of the chorus, maybe even just the second chorus.

Technicolor Gramophone's picture

Sounds great ... I don't know German, but that makes it all a bit exotic to my ears. Very nice vocals and melody! Agree with Andy Getch about the violin.

reklov's picture

Ha! Endlich mal was Deutschsprachiges hier bei 50/90! Da bin ich ja nicht ganz so alleine auf weiter Feld und Flur! Smile
Tja, wie so oft gebiert Traurigkeit die schönsten Lieder...
Beste Grüße aus Augschburg,