Oor Tam;s Burns Nicht
A bit of a cheat on two counts, firstly very few people here will understand it, and secondly I recycled bits from a speech I made at a Burns supper. It is a sort of parody of a Burns poem and song, " Scots Wha Hae" written about the Battle of Bannock burn.
Burns Night is celebrated around the world on 25th January but means of Burn's Suppers where Haggis, Neeps, and Tatties are consumed washed down by copious amounts of whisky. The poem of course is in no way auto-biographical, although my name is Tom, I do go to Burns Suppers, I do drink beer and whisky. And yes I wear a kilt and shirt, my better half often disapproves.......................BUT I don't have skinny legs!
A rough English translation follows:-
V1. Scots who wear no underwear under their kilts and sporran, with an un-ironed and stained shirt.
V2 Who would show off such skinny legs, white as snow, with varicose veins, He also has knocked knees, we don't want to see them!
V3 He has a large beer belly that he can rest a pint of beer on, his waist is 12 inches greater than his chest. He looks like Humpty Dumpty but thinks he's a real stud.
V4 He has already consumed 10 pints of beer and a huge glass of whisky but tonight he just does not care!
V5 The other guests are sick of him, they have seen it all before, and he's having more whisky!
V5 His wife is disgusted with him and worried about what else he will do, When she gets him home he'll get what for!
V6 To paraphrase a Burns Poem, If he could see himself as others do, he'd give that kilt away
Oor Tam’s Burn’s Nicht
Scots wha hae nae breeks ablo
A checkit skirt wae purse slung low
A crumpled Ghillie serk on show
Stained and Slavery!
Wha wad show sic spirtle peens
White as sna’ wi vericose veins
Thae knockit knees and enkle banes
We dinnae want tae see!!
Wha’s belly can hae a beer on’t rest
Its twalve inches greater than his chest
Humpty McDumpty I’d hae guessed
Tho’ he thinks he’s Prince Charlie!
He’s had a drink or twa oor Tam
Ten pints and then a muckle Dram
This nicht he disnae gie a damn
He’s toasting Burn’s Memory
The other guests have had enough
They’re bored tae death wi a’ this stuff
They dinnae care for a’ his guff
OH Naw! He’s got anither whisky !
His poor wee wife is sairly vexed
His antics hae her fair perplexed
She dreads tae think whit he’ll dae next
At Hame, he’ll git some gree!
As Rabbie in his poem did sae
If he saw himself as others dae
As a favour tae us we pray
He’ll Gie that bloody kilt away!
Please keep your comments respectful, honest, and constructive. Please focus on the song and not the demo.