Lonely

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I miss hugs from my friends. Not been able to meet them as often cause two are isolating.

Also love is complicated. I'd even go far as to say I feel traumatised in my attempts to relieve my loneliness. That's not normal, is it?

I am now not seeing the positives in what I do any more. Hobbies aren't fun, and lockdown is imminent here in the UK. I'm sorry for sharing this personal information on here. Believe me I feel stupid and know that it'll probably get a negative reaction.

Maybe I'll feel better after making a pizza? :P

I think what you're feeling is actually pretty normal (read: a reasonable way to feel in the face of *waves hands around* all of this). Modernity starts out with a lot of alienation, which is both a form and a symptom of trauma. Add a global pandemic and lockdowns, yeah, totally understandable.

Up to about 300 years ago, removing a person from their community was equated to a death sentence. "Exile or execution?" "Meh, either will do." Now we're all living in a kind of exile, with no clear path to restoration. This is the new normal? No, there's nothing normal about this.

I hope you don't see this as a negative reaction. I feel for you, this sucks. Pizza seems like a good response. Best of luck

Thanks for your comment. I think I have many years of anger now being released in a different way. Don't know if it's more or less destructive than before. But it's a lot of layers to get through.

I don't know what else to say. But I don't see your comment as negative, thanks for taking the time to reply Smile

dzd's picture
winnerdzd

Yeah it all seems reasonable to me too Wink I'm not a huge social person anyway for the most part, so it's not a huge deal being mostly isolated, actually feel guilty of it being mostly an enjoyable experience, and I've been in way worse financial situations personally, so the anxiety of that isn't really there for me. I know from past experiences I'll be able to scrape by somehow, also being American with no health insurance the threat of getting sick with absolutely nothing to be done about it is also something I've unfortunately grown to accept as just a fact of life Biggrin So this whole mess we all find ourselves in has actually been a somewhat calm time for me.

and we're all here sharing some pretty intimate music anyway, nothing to be embarrassed about. Pizza does sound good! Keep your chin up!

We're hugely fortunate in South Oz with almost no virus currently and almost compelte freedom to move. But our daughter is stuck in PSV (Plague State Victoria) with her business wiping out, in common with so many others, at least she's not in home detention unlike Melbourne. There's all sorts of nightmares consequent on this and yes, I'm having to work through a huge amount of anger which I'm not doing too well at either. 5090 has been a godsend. Keep talking (posting), it helps.

Hey @nerdjealous I am glad to see the folks in this who posted; gives me a better consideration on what to say and how it may come across, be heard.

I don't know you or you music and that does not really matter anyway. I also know, there's not much anyone can say specifically, versus just letting it know they are "there" in some manner of speaking.

You to me are quite "normal", whatever that may be, or in a range of being.

Many here in the USA have all kinds of anger issues, rage and etc., and are expressing it not as one "clan" (some, anyway, not all but some), -- Americans rather, all the sub-clans as if this is not America versus 1000 fragmented coutries adrift on a raft that's sinking for all, and would kill the woodsmith to take control. As one said and said many times, that they'd rather "stand in hell than be on their knees in America" and etc., so to speak.

I personally have seen many crazy things in my life with on consistent thing over time, -- all things cycle and *Right makes Mite. So, if you keep doing what is "Right" (whatever that may be and most human beings know what that is without explanation, -- born with "Humanity" and "Logic" and ability to see Facts)... in time, this cycle's going to change.

Weird analogy warning Smile hahhh, what I do:
Also, many times, I have found in Fact that bad stuff looks bad, but it's actually not. Hahhh, I just saw on my home furnace, a Steam Boiler, a Steel side plate had this weird bubbling under the paint. Steam boilers are low low pressure, like 15 psi. So, I kinda ignored it, but this year see another on the little 6x10 steel plate. So the wifey says, -- "what's up with that?". So, I started to poke at it and well, -- it's a pin hole from the inside out.

So, wifey looks at me, concerned, and like "uh oh... $$$"... so, I calmly (thank God Smile ) look at her and said, well, good thing you "pestered me" about it, 'cause it's not February, at 10F or worse pissing across the room for a night all over "stuff"... no, it's September and today is like 85F and my buddy has got Wood for me (Stove as backup)... so... well, shit happens. But sometimes, as life needs mainenance anyway, this will be a $50 problem and then so what.

So, in this "lock down" lots of stuff is "Coming Out"... parents are home with the Kids and seeing what's being taught to their kids... "here"... and other stuff. Lots of things being revealed that would not otherwise have been put under a spot light. Many people are being forced to not be how they have been.

And me, -- well, none of it bothers me, never did, so to speak. I was running "air washers" in my house more than a year prior to this and other. And as Cody above says, some really great intimate music is being shared.

If folks, regardless of different mind-sets can't find a way to get along in a situation like this, for real..., then none of this was going to last anyway or much longer.

They say we're on the verge of a "Civi War" here, some welcome it. I say, Seattle and Portland were limited skirmishes and now we have Congress members saying RADICALISE now... I don't care who you like, and other. Hahhh, it was not that long ago someone said that? Well, I don't know that they would, so one has to wonder where that's been Planted, -- from. And, not just here. Globally.

This is the point I would otherwise go off into a rabbit hole about other periods that allowed this, circa 2003. Not just me but others wrote pappers, and books and other... saying, warning, projecting 2007 and other that then immediatly followed. We all suffer Globally, we always did, that's not "new".

So, you are not alone.

And if you can "wait" out the Cycle, and keep doing what is "Right" as it appears... sometime down the road I guarantee you, you'll be sitting somewhere pleasant sipping your favorite beverage and remembering this 5090 and all these folks who've engaged you regardless of who or what your are, crazy, normal or not.

Smile

You, are "here".

And, so are we.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Be kind to yourself don't force yourself to deal, to work out to cope. Be patient with you. Watch good things. Don't worry. Relax. Do video calls. We are here. I'm here if you need to talk.

Thanks to all your replies peeps! Yes it does seem the anger is starting to rear it's head from the depths, and I know I cannot complain too harshly as generally this has been worse before. And for some its starting to test them dearly. I am glad to be able to have a roof over my head and pizza and chocolate :p lol

It's an interesting point that this is bringing up also things that need resolving physically. Since this post I have had a declutter, all the rubbish that I didn't need and didn't use and now it's gone and I'm happy for it. Also jobs been meaning to do have been done! So that is indeed a benefit,.my pin holes resolved if you will!

Thanks for the offers of chatting and being there. I am currently finding it hard to keep in touch with friends who are finally getting chance to relax and I think they're loving it so much that they're enjoying time to themselves to not respond to my silly MSG's! Lol but indeed I find it is a relief to know they are finally finding time for themselves after all this time in their habits and tiredness . I've been lucky to have been afforded time in the past for this, So can't blame their current efforts!! I will post here as always and it isnt long until the rocktober challenge which will be interesting while under lockdown again! Biggrin

If anything I'm more positive after suitable rest and relaxation so thanks for listening

Keep posting around I'll see you on the board and in song!! Wink

This is traumatic, and everybody's being affected differently. For a while i was bemused by all the posts from people saying how much time they had on their hands back in March and April, being stuck in their houses. For me i was working from home, and trying to home school a six year old, all without access to any of the usual facilities, including playparks.

Work and life no longer have a line between them, social situations are gone for we don't know how long, people will react oddly, and the requirement to repress that in some ways but not others, plus the fact this is unfamiliar territory for all of us, is unusual. Any reaction that feels unusual is probably no more unusual than the situation itself.

Stay safe, and stay well, but go easy on yourself, and i am talking to everyone here. It is easier to just put your head down and keep going than it is to stop and take a breath and admit to yourself that it isn't okay, but that you can manage if you give yourself that chance, and that space.

And of course, this too shall pass. It will, really. Every day brings something new, but we get through it, and come out the other side with new learning and a new perspective.

That's very wise and is very good advice